My Legacy...

The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.
- William James, philosopher and psychologist


There's a woman on the BB who I find amazing...well, there are actually quite a few of them but this one posted something on the BB this week that brought back memories... good and bad. Natalia is a young woman who has a "little sister"... being single and childless, she selflessly devotes time to befriend a young girl. Being the mom of 3 children, I can understand the time and dedication that is called for in making time for a child. But to do this for someone not of your own flesh and blood, takes a special human being. She often posts stories of their activities on the BB which are always a joy to read.

This week she posted about a hiking trip that she and her little sister made... their attempt to climb to the summit of Mount Helena. They attempted the "easy" trail... 1.6 miles w/a 1000ft change in elevation. They made it about 3/4 of the way before she had to stop and turn around. And even though her little sister was disappointed to not make it further, she acted like the hike was too hard for her too so that Natalia wouldn't feel bad about not making it. What a relationship!

This story reminded me of one of my weight inflicted memories... The summer of 2005, we took a family vacation to Colorado. On our way to the western part of the state, we stopped at the Great Sand Dunes National Park. I had been there as a kid and loved it... how cool in the middle of a state famous for its majestic mountains to find a huge oasis of sand dunes. My kids had set a distant "peak" as the point that they wanted to hike to. I laughed and said okay... knowing full well we would never go that far. Have you ever walked in sand? Sand that your feet sink into? Then add to that sand great sloping hills... up and down... crossing narrow ridge lines. I have no idea what I weighed in 2005 but it was very close to what I weighed last year... plus, add to that little or no exercise. Walking those sand dunes was one of the most physical challenges I have ever had to face! We walked and kept moving sometimes slowly... very slowly. We climbed peaks only to discover that the peak the kids wanted to make it to was still a few away. That's one thing about being in the middle of these rolling hills of sand... nothing ever looked as far as it really was. There came a point after climbing one hill and just having discovered it was still not the top and we had yet another steeper climb to make. I looked at that and said no way... I was done. But the kids wouldn't have it, they wanted to go on. I told them that I would wait there for them and they could go on with their dad. Nope! They wouldn't have it... we were on a family vacation and we had to do it together.. .sorta their version of no man or mom left behind. I saw how much this meant to my kids so I trudged on. That last climb was so hard.... so slow. I would look up thinking surely we were almost there only to discover that I wasn't even halfway. One of the kids would hang back to "help" me along. Sometimes J would be there pulling me forward. There finally came a point where I just collapsed... I couldn't do it... I couldn't go another step. But my stubborn kids wouldn't leave me... they sat there with me, waiting while I rested. I told them... finally I begged and pleaded with them... "Please, just go on without me." They wouldn't do it. They said either we all do it together or we don't. Sitting there in the sand I just began to cry. Here was something my kids wanted so badly and my fat, out of shape body wasn't letting me do it. I tried again... begged... pleaded for them to go on without me. They refused. I then had a decision to make... turn around and start the trip back down or pick myself up and go forward. Well, I couldn't let them miss this opportunity... this was something they desperately wanted. I had to do it for them. So I picked myself up and started again. One step at a time... looking down at the sand the entire time.... one step, then another, then one more. The kids would encourage me... "You can do it, mom!" "You're almost there!" They lied about that one. Soon one by one they started making it to the top... "Come on, mom! You have to see this!" "You can do it, mom!" Finally, I took that last step that brought me over the top. I had done it. I collapsed in the sand and my daughter said to me... "I knew you COULD do it."

That day I hated myself and what I had let my body become. I never would've gone half as far as I did if it had not been for my kids. They are the inspiration for all that I do. That right there is the biggest reason for my success this time. When I first started trying to lose weight back in September, it was all about the pounds. It wasn't til I sat down and figured out why I wanted to do this and put my kids at the top of that list, that I actually had some success at it. I want to live longer. I want to see my kids grow up and have families of their own. I want to become a grandparent or maybe even a great-grandparent. I want to enjoy life now with my kids. I want to be able to do things that were too difficult to do in the past (like climb a sand dune). I want to do fun everyday type stuff (like ride bikes) with them. They are my inspiration for doing this. Sure there are other reasons, but they are right there at the top.

In fact, I lost sight of that a few months ago and once again it became about the numbers on the scale. I had lost 30 lbs in 3 months and then just stopped... a plateau. It really threw me and I lost focus. It wasn't until last month that I had to go back and revisit why I am doing this in the first place.

They are my legacy... they are how I want to leave my mark on this world. If nothing else can be said about me... hopefully, they will say... She was a good mom.